Coming Home
© Ak 2007
Chapter 6
“We will pick you up later. Enjoy yourselves.” Louis said to his children before returning to the car where Jessica was waiting for him.
Alex and Ashley were attending a birthday party of their friend from the childcare centre. Jessica had prepared the presents for them.
“I hardly have any time alone with you, my dear.” Louis said and placed his hand over Jessica’s.
“Don’t tell me you are jealous of your own kids?” she teased him.
“Where would you like to go?” he asked.
“Anywhere.” she replied gently to him.
“Let’s go shopping then.” he said to her.
“I thought you hate shopping?” she asked curiously.
“I just want to get you something.” he replied with a wink, and started the car.
“You should not have spent so much money on me, Louis.” Jessica said to him as they walked out of the jewellery shop. He had bought her a bracelet.
“I can still afford it. I just want to give you something.” he said and turned his cheek towards her.
“Thank you.” she said and gave him a peck on the cheek.
Just then, Louis’ colleague called out to him, “Louis!”
Jessica quickly wriggled her hand from Louis’ grip.
“Hi, Benny! What a coincidence. Meet my girlfriend, Jessica.” Louis introduced and placed his arm over Jessica’s shoulders. “This is Benny and his wife.”
Jessica exchanged handshakes and pleasantries with the couple. Louis then excused themselves from them.
“Is he your colleague?” she asked when they were far enough from the hearing range of Benny and his wife.
“Yes, he is.” he replied.
“He knows that you are married, doesn’t he?” she questioned.
“Yes, he does.” he answered as a matter-of-fact.
A moment of silence followed.
“You don’t have to do that.” Jessica finally said to him sadly.
“This is the least that I can do for you. I must at least acknowledge that you are my girlfriend.” he said tenderly to her. “I’m proud to have you.” He clenched her hand and brought it to his chest.
If there was ever a topic that was taboo between them, it was the return of Tavia. Both of them had hoped that Tavia would return so that they could resolve their current situation. Yet, Jessica was always apprehensive that Tavia would not let go of her family. Louis had tried to reassure Jessica before but he did not like to see her getting all jittery and guilty, so they stopped talking about Tavia.
Like many other nights, Louis and Jessica were spending some time alone in his living room after they had tucked the kids to bed. He had her in his arms and she was resting against him. They were quietly watching the television and enjoying each other’s company. It was past mid-night.
“I should be going.” Jessica said and removed herself from the sofa.
“Why don’t you spend the night here?” He asked as usual and got rejected as usual.
“No, I shouldn’t.” She shook her head at him.
As usual, he walked her back to her apartment. He stood there waiting for his goodbye kiss.
“Happy Birthday!” she said and kissed him on the lips.
“You remember?” he asked, slightly surprised because he had forgotten about his own birthday.
“Of course. Why don’t you sleep a little longer tomorrow? I’ll send the kids to the centre for you.” she offered.
“All right. You have an early night too. Don’t miss me.” he said teasingly.
“I won’t.” she replied with a smile and entered her apartment.
Jessica went over to Louis’ place early the next morning. She had prepared his breakfast and left his birthday present next to it on the dining table. She then sent the kids to the childcare centre.
Louis woke up to find his breakfast ready and he opened his present. She had bought him a light blue shirt and a navy blue tie. He got dressed and was waiting for her when she returned.
“Here are your keys.” she passed the car keys to him. “You better hurry up or you will be late.” she said when he was not moving.
He held out his new tie to her. She took it from him and shook her head. “First, I have to tie Ashley’s hair. Now, I have to tie your tie.”
“This honour belongs to you only.” he said next to her ear, and inhaled her familiar lavender scent.
“There you go. Drive carefully.” she said after tying a neat knot for him. She gave him a peck on the cheek and saw him out of the house. “Be home early tonight. I’m picking up the kids.” she called out before the elevator door closed.
She picked up the kids early that afternoon. She got them to draw birthday cards for their dad, while she busied herself in the kitchen. She was preparing his favourite food and baking his birthday cake.
When the kids were done with their cards, she got them to help decorate the birthday cake. She had baked a thin vanilla and a thin chocolate cakes. She sliced away the top of the cakes and spread a thick layer of strawberry jam over the chocolate cake. Then, she placed slices of strawberries on it. She finally put the vanilla cake on top. She spread fresh cream over the cake and let the kids placed pieces of fruits on top of it as decorations.
“Why is this cake so special?” Alex asked. “It is not chocolate or vanilla.” he added.
Jessica gave him a smile and replied, “Chocolate is your favourite, vanilla is Daddy’s favourite and strawberry is Ashley’s favourite.”
“What is your favourite?” Alex asked ingenuously.
“My favourite is all your favourites.” Jessica replied with a soft laugh. The kids returned her laugh with a big grin on their faces.
That night, after a hearty dinner and the special birthday cake, Louis had offered to put the kids to bed to give Jessica a break. He was delighted with his birthday cards and he had put them into his briefcase. He was going to display them in his office.
Light music was playing softly from the stereo. She took a glass of red wine and stood at the windows. The city was too bright for the stars to shine, but the moonlight was casting a glow on her face.
Louis slipped his arms quietly around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. “Do you know you are very beautiful?” he whispered into her ear and rested his chin on her shoulder, close to her neck.
She gave him a smile and tried half-heartedly to wriggle out of his embrace. “What if the kids catch us?” she whispered back to him.
“Then I can be an example to Alex and you can be a counter-example to Ashley.” he said with a soft chuckle.
“You’re horrible.” she reprimanded him with a smile.
“You talk too much.” He spun her around and kissed her fully on the lips. She ran her arms to his back and hugged him close to her.
“Happy Birthday.” she mumbled through his kiss.
“Will you be my present then?” he asked in a seductive voice. And, she kissed him back.
This was one of the usual Sunday nights. They were having dinner at home when the main door of Louis’ apartment opened. A woman stood at the door with two suitcases next to her.
Louis and Jessica got up from their seats and the adults stared at each other. Alex was the first to break the silence. He hopped off his chair and ran towards the woman. “Mommy!” he called.
Tavia picked up Alex and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You have grown taller and heavier, Handsome.”
Jessica lifted Ashley from her high-chair and placed her down gently. Ashley looked at the woman and returned her eyes to Jessica. Jessica gave her a little nudge and an encouraging smile.
Ashley walked slowly towards the woman and the latter immediately picked her up. “How are you doing, my little dolly?”
Ashley gave a little struggle and Louis immediately took her over from Tavia.
“Who is she?” Tavia finally asked Louis and directed her glance towards Jessica.
“She is Jessie!” Alex answered before Louis could do so.
“Jessie, she is my mommy!” Alex said innocently.
“Hi.” Jessica said and held out her hand for a handshake.
“Hi.” Tavia replied and took her hand, without removing her eyes from Jessica.
“I better get going.” Jessica tried to get out of the awkwardness.
“I’ll see you home.” Louis said immediately and moved forward towards the two women. Ashley was still in his arm.
Ashley reached towards Jessica, and Jessica placed a kiss on her forehead. “Good night, Ashley. Sweet dreams.”
Alex also ran to Jessica for his goodnight kiss. “Good night, Alex. Sleep tight.” She placed a kiss on his forehead too.
“It’s okay. I’ll go back on my own.” Jessica eventually said to Louis.
Louis watched her walked back to her apartment from his door. He wanted to reassure her that everything would be all right but he did not have the chance.
Meanwhile, Tavia was taking in all the proceedings before her. She felt sour and jealous. She could guess who Jessica was to Louis.
Louis closed their apartment door after Jessica had entered her apartment. He proceeded to wash the dishes. When he was done, he went to their bedroom and took an extra pillow and blanket from their wardrobe. He moved into their children’s room that night.
That night Louis sent a text message to Jessica to reassure her that everything would be fine.
The next morning, Louis spent a lot of time coaxing and dressing Ashley. By the time he was ready, he was already running late and he proceeded to send the children to the childcare centre and went to work without a chance to talk to Jessica.
Jessica opened her door with a heavy heart. She knew who it would be. It won’t be Louis because he had the keys to her house. Yes, indeed it was Tavia who was standing before her. She noticed immediately that Tavia was wearing Louis’ T-shirt beneath her sleeping robe. “Have they gotten back together? Is that why he did not bother to come over this morning?” Jessica feared.
“Please come in.” Jessica invited Tavia in reluctantly. Although she knew the confrontation was unavoidable, she was reluctant to go through it. What was she to do? Tavia was Louis’ wife and the children’s mother, and she would always be the third party. She could never win this.
“Have a seat.” she gestured Tavia towards her dining table.
“Would you like to have coffee or tea?” she asked nervously.
“Tea, please.” Tavia replied stiffly.
As Jessica was preparing their drinks, Tavia looked at her home. She noticed the familiarities between this apartment and hers. Alex’s and Ashley’s drawings were pasted at the waist level of the walls. She could not miss the same lavender potpourri’s scent at the entrances. There were many traces of Jessica’s tastes in her own apartment, especially the colour purple. Tavia also noticed there was a heap of used tissues around the sofa.
Jessica had been crying the night before. She had told herself to be strong, to believe in Louis. However, her heart feared for the worst. He had never mentioned that he loved Tavia, but he had also never said that he did not love Tavia. At this moment, she had no idea where she stood in his heart. Yes, Louis loved her but would he choose her over his wife?
Jessica finally served their tea and sat opposite of Tavia. The dining table separated them. Silence hung awkwardly between them.
“Why have everything changed while I was away? Why did you take away all which were mine?” Tavia burst out. Her voice was filled with bitterness.
“I can’t take away what is yours.” Jessica tried to reply as calmly as possible. Her hands were rubbing her tea cup and she kept her eyes away from Tavia’s.
Silence fell upon them again.
Tavia finally took a sip of her tea and said in a more subdued tone, “The kids like you. They love you.”
“They love you too. They love you unconditionally. You are their mother.” Jessica replied immediately.
“What about Louis? Does he love you too?” Tavia asked rather forcefully.
“I …” Jessica wanted to lie that she didn’t know but she could not say it. “This question is for him to answer, not me.” Jessica finally replied.
“Are both of you together?” Tavia pressed on.
Jessica gave a hesitant nod.
“I want you to leave him.” Tavia stated spitefully.
Jessica looked speechlessly at Tavia.
“I want you to leave him” Tave repeated plainly.
Jessica gave a quick shake of her head. Her heart raced. She knew that it would come to such an end. Nonetheless, she had held on to a thin thread of hope. And, this thread had been broken.
“If you don’t leave him, I will sue him for adultery and take the kids away from him.” Tavia made her demand even clearer.
“You can’t do that to him. He can’t do without the kids.” Jessica protested instantly.
“If both of you are together, then I will have the kids.” Tavia refused to back down.
“You can’t use them as weapons against Louis!” Jessica almost cried out.
“The kids can’t be passed around like a ball. They need stability. Please spare a thought for them. They will always be your kids.” Jessica tried to reason with Tavia.
“The kids need not be separated from Louis if you leave us alone.” Tavia said.
“Just give me back Louis and the kids.” Tavia continued.
Jessica kept quiet. She knew it would come to this. She had to relinquish what she had “borrowed” from Tavia. They were never hers. It was time to let go.
“I’ll leave him but can you promise to put the children before yourself?” Jessica asked. “Please don’t neglect their feelings any more, especially Ashley’s.” she said almost as a plea.
Despite her hatred for Jessica, Tavia could not deny the genuine concern that Jessica had shown for the kids. “Of course, I will put them before myself. I’m their mother. I want you to leave Louis immediately.”
Jessica gave an affirmative nod.
Tavia got up from her seat and left Jessica’s apartment.
Louis tried to call Jessica for the whole day but he could not reach her. He was worried.
When he went to pick the kids, he was told that Tavia had already picked them up.
He went to Jessica’s apartment instead of his own. He looked for her in every room, and in every corner of the apartment. She was not found.
He slumped into her leather chair in her study. He buried his face into his hands. He knew that she had left. Just like that she had said before – she would leave when Tavia returned.
It was almost the children’s bedtime and Louis had returned from Jessica’s apartment. He had been sitting in her study and listening to the wind chime for another night. He would sometimes sit in the living room and glanced at his children’s drawings. At times, he would stand at the kitchen and reminisce the way she had cooked. He had even tried to hold her once and realised it was just his imagination. When his heart ached for her, he would lay on her bed.
Louis had finished his shower and he was going to sleep with his kids. When he opened the bathroom door, he noticed that Tavia was also in the bedroom. He continued to walk out of the bedroom when she almost screamed in frustration, “Can you stop ignoring me?”
Louis stopped in his track. He turned around to face her. In the past, that line from her would be a cue to start another shouting match, but instead he spoke in a regular tone to her, “Do you want to talk?”
If not for the anger that she was feeling, she would have been in awe in his response. For the first time, he had realised her screaming was to get his attention – his attention to listen to her. And, he knew it from a discussion he had with Jessica. He had lamented that women these days always threatened divorce when they were unhappy, and Jessica reasoned that women did that and many other things just to get their man’s attention.
“Yes.” she said in a softer tone. She sat on their bed. Louis took a look at the bedroom door to make sure that it was closed. There was no need for the kids to see this. He then leaned against their wardrobe and looked at her.
“Can you stop going to her place? It feels like you are still having an affair with her.” she said in a calmer tone after a period of silence.
Louis answered her honestly, “I can stop going but it does not mean that I don’t miss her.”
Tavia tried to keep her temper in control against his words, yet she was impressed with his honesty. “Did you miss me too when I was away?” she asked.
“I was too busy coping with the kids when you walked out.” he said without a hint of resentment.
Silence came over them. Tavia could not comprehend the Louis in front of her. He was so different. There was no sense of irritation in him. Perhaps there was some resignation, but he was not angry and he was speaking and answering her.
“Have you ever loved me?” She had to ask. She had to know.
“I suppose I did have some affection for you, otherwise I would not have married you.” he answered.
“Do you still love me?” she asked.
“Our marriage was built on lust and responsibility. Love was not part of it.” he replied truthfully.
Tavia was hurt by his truthfulness and she cried.
“After spending so many years together, I do have feeling for you, Tavia.” he said and he could see her eyes lighted up a little. “I cannot describe it as love for a sibling, not after what we have shared.” he continued and he saw the lights went out. “You are like a kin to me. A family member. You are the mother of my children. And nothing can change that.” he said.
She looked at him with teary eyes.
“I know you have tried. I see your effort in the past two weeks. But, this is not the life that you want.” he said to her. “Go and pursue your dreams. I’ll look after the kids.” he encouraged her.
She bit her lower lip and stared at him. What he had said sounded so remotely similar to Jessica’s. “You are putting the children before yourself.” she said it out before she knew it.
“Yes, I suppose so.”
“Because she said that you should be doing so?” she asked.
“No, she taught me. No, she actually showed me.” he replied and his thoughts floated to the times when Jessica was with his children. His lips tilted up at the thoughts.
“Would you have loved me if we have met later?” she asked.
“Perhaps. But the arrangement of time is not something we can dictate.” he replied.
“It’s late. The kids are waiting for me.” he said at last and left the room.
The next morning, Tavia was all dressed up and she had prepared breakfast.
The family had their breakfast rather quietly. When they were almost done, Tavia went to the room and came out with her suitcases.
Alex came running to her. “Mommy, where are you going again?” he asked anxiously.
“Mommy is going to pursue Mommy’s dreams. One day you would too. You have been a good boy, Alex. Mommy loves you.” Tavia said and planted a big kiss on his cheek. “You can call me when you miss me.” she added.
Tavia then walked to Ashley. She leaned towards her and said, “I’m sorry, Ashley. I should have been a better mother to you.” She kissed and hugged Ashley.
“Thanks for your honesty, Louis.” she said with her misted eyes. “Perhaps, I should not have come back.”
“As much as I blamed you for ruining my life, I do love you, Louis.” Tavia said silently in her heart as she hugged Louis.
This hug felt so close and cosy. It was nothing sensual. She gave a forced smile and passed him her contact number. “If you still want a divorce, you know how to reach me now. I hope you find her soon.” With that, she took off and left the house.
The night of Alex’s year-end performance had arrived. Jessica had promised to attend and watch his performance. In fact, she had helped him sew his costume.
“Will Jessie come tonight?” Alex asked Louis.
“She will. She promised.” Louis replied his son. He wanted to believe what he had said to Alex too.
“Remember to wait for me at the backstage entrance once your part is over. Don’t stay for the finale.” Louis added and Alex nodded.
Louis had a feeling that Jessica would attend the performance but she might leave before it ended.
Jessica debated with herself for days whether she should attend Alex’s year-end performance. “A promise is a promise.” She finally convinced herself. The truth was that she missed them and she wanted to see them.
She sneaked into the performance hall just before the lights dimmed. She stood at the back of hall, near the door. She gave a slight wave to little Alex. She knew that Alex had seen her. She was so proud of him.
She scanned for Louis and Ashley and found them in the second row from the front. How much she had missed them!
She caught Louis turning his head to the back of the hall, towards the entrance. She shifted herself further into a darker corner, away from the light from the exit sign. She did not want him to see her.
She stood in the dark and watched Alex’s brilliant performance. It was as if there were no other kids on the stage. She could only see Alex and he was the lead actor. She swelled with pride when he delivered his lines so smoothly and confidently. A tear of pride rolled down before she could stop herself.
As the curtains were drawn, she knew she had to leave. She moved quietly and walked out of the entrance. She took her steps slowly with a heavy heart. She was about to walk out the gate when someone called her name from the back.
“Jessica! Don’t go!”
It was the familiar low husky voice. The one which had captured her heart. She steeled herself and took another step forward.
“Jessie!” This time it was Alex’s voice. She turned around to face them.
Ashley immediately called out to her too, “Jessie!”
Her heart had immediately rushed forth to them, her precious.
“Come home with us!” Louis said to Jessica.
“Come home!” echoed the kids.
She was a just few steps from them. She looked at them intently. Her heart was already with them.
Louis had held the kids back. The kids might be confused by his gesture, but Jessica understood it. He had again presented her with a choice. She had to take the first step to go back to them. It had to be because she wanted to go back to them, and not because of the kids.
She knew Louis must have come to a conclusion with Tavia, otherwise he won’t be asking her to go home with him. She commanded the strength in her whole being and took a step forward.
Immediately, Louis loosened his grip on the kids and they ran towards her. She squatted and gathered them in her embrace. She sniffed the top of their heads. It felt so good to hold them again.
Louis moved towards them and enveloped them with his strong arms. He had his family before him. He whispered into her ear, “Let’s go home. Home where you belong.”
